No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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