the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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