Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
