Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
