Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
