You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
