you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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