I should be sponsored by Trojan
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
