so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
