Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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