I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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