Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
