Your tits are I can't wait for
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't think brook has ever known best
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
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