Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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