I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
