The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
