speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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