It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
