yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
