sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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