i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
