Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize