I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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