so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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