I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
