How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
