to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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