Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
