Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize