so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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