i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
