i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
