Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
