After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
