I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
