i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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