wakey wakey hands off snakey
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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