video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize