Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
