I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
