How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize