Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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