They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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