p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
