Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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