Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
