benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
