You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
