yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
