So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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