Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We got so high we made milksteak
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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