his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
