he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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