Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
