First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
