My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize