She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
