Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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