RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
