I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
