It's Friday. Sex?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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