i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
