after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
