Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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