she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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